hmmm...me again...counting from this day, my internship will be finish in two week time...then just waiting for my graduation day...
unbelievable that I`m graduating tis year...
Actually I`m waiting for tis moment since in the secondary school. My feeling that time is I will be very happy finishing my studies. but now, the feeling is not the same anymore. A lot of thing happen and change me and also the feeling. Now, I`m feel very unpleasant, sad, worried, a little bit of happy but not much happy as before.
I dont know why. but feel like I gonna lost sumthing very closed and precious to me. with knowing some of my friend will be continuing their studies, and me not, it make me feel useless, lost, unwanted and many other bad feeling. some times I also feel like I`m a big loser now.
back in the secondary school time, i think I feel happy if I finish my studies in the university, maybe because I think I will live freely without any distraction and disturbance from other people, becoz that time I had been force to study the thing that not suit myself...
i know for some people their graduation day is the happiest day in their life...but not for me.... it like the end of my world...
but I will pretending I`m happy for sake of my parent, family and friends that always give me support and courage to me to finish this course... I will make their happy if inside me is not.... Camouflage is important....nobody can figure it out...my internal feeling...
even my best friend also will not know.... and I think he is only best to be my special best friend and full stop. Not more than that...
I also believe that Allah has created someone else that special for me...and only for me... I will be waiting him to find me.... hope I will find him soon...Ameen...hope Allah will bless all of us....
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